As a little girl I have faint memories of the ones that are to be key players in your little world, almost a silhouette of figures that haunt me. She was creative, she was so talented and could she decorate! I believed this woman could do anything. I recall her laughter, her voice and OH- that cough…

Constance Mae Haynes, my mother that I find that I barely knew but what I did know was just enough that carries me through. She has no idea how much of an impression she made in my life even though most of it was from a distance.

If I could have just one more day and express to her what these little eyes could see. Many years slipped away since I didn’t live with my mother most of my youth. I recall being moved from parent to parent from the age of 4 years old. Eventually I moved west to live with my father at the age of 12 years old and never looked back. From a distance my mother kept in touch and played her role the best she knew how. She didn't attend my High School graduation, my wedding, the births of any of my children. I understand. I just wonder if she ever knew how much she inspired me to be still just like her in many ways.

My personal relationship with my mother is probably different than my siblings, as they could recall other memories depending on when they were born. You see my mother had eight children out of my 13 siblings. I don't recall my parents together really, I only remember the outline of some figures, like a silhouette of bodies when I was a child. I recall faint memories of them together working on do-it-yourself projects around the house.

Connie was so creative, so energetic and she loved her dolls, her crafts, paints and brushes! I often wondered if she loved that more than me. She had an amazing eye for color and interior design. I recall my pink bedroom on the third story, our black and white living room with a black leather bar, in Florida our red, white and blue kitchen! Her creativity spilled out in everything she did, her ability to build with her hands. Her flex pipe floor lamp and window wall unit and the room divider she built from scratch for our unisex bedroom! I’ll never forget the day when my parents punched a hole in a closet and placed a TV in the hole to give more space to the living room (a Realtor‘s nightmare)!

I don't recall tidiness, I don't recall running off to the usual childhood demands of today, I recall doll heads, fabrics, dish bottles and lots of sand pouring. Wow-- would she love the crafts available to her today!! She would love to see what Joann Fabrics has become, one of the largest crafts stores in the country! My Mom followed her dream and opened her own craft store many years later and became the big fish in the small pond in her community, Connie’s Kids & Krafts.

Oh how I wish I could call her on the phone and invite her to lunch!! What I wouldn't give to sit and sip a Starbucks with Mom. Just to tell her even though in her absence she was such an inspiration to me in so many ways. How I would love to tell her how much I used to just watch her, marvel at her beauty and admire her business attire, how much she motivated me. If I could just express to her what these little eyes could see. I wonder about her quiet moments, her fears, her challenges, her p***ions, her love affairs! So many questions yet unanswered…

One of the fondest qualities I recall of Connie was that “non judgmental attitude” I was exposed too. She never judged anyone and rarely gave her opinion! Someone in my family without an opinion. Now it's very possible she learned that late in life to keep her opinion to herself and the great lesson of "the less said the better". She was a unique lady for sure and I miss her silly self. To have the opportunity to speak to her one more time just to let her know I admire her strength, her determination and that I know she gave her best she knew how.

Another fond memory was when I had the opportunity to sit with both of my biological parents for the first time as a young adult. It was 1989, my front yard an awkward moment that quickly disappeared. It was if there wasn't a missed day between them. You know if I didn't know better, there was still a little flame ignited. It was a fun day, a moment that I will treasure for years to come. The first time I recall both my parents visible in my presence at the age of 27 years old.

I don't ever recall the typical mother demands of doing chores, cleaning the bathrooms, doing dishes. Perhaps that is to my advantage since I was second to the youngest and we all know how the babies get away with murder!! I missed the opportunity to tell my mother how much I loved her presence, I missed the opportunity to appreciate her short time we had with her and I terribly miss the times I would comb through her hair and paint her fingernails. Her presence was of laughter, quiet observation and a little fussy now and again. But she was a great lady, my Mother. I know if the truth could be known, she would love to know each and everyone of you today.

Remember to always say what you mean. If you love someone, tell them. Don't be afraid to express yourself. Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you. Because when you decide that it is the right time it might be too late. Seize the day. Never have regrets. Stay close to your friends and family, they have contributed to who you have become today.